Post Coming...

I have promised a post is coming and it is.  A couple days later than I intended, but it will be here.  Promise.  I have had some health issues I have been trying to sort out the past few months and in trying to figure those out, we found a place on my hip that is in need of further testing.  Unfortunately, I have had to put that test off in order to take Clayton to appts, which has just meant more time for me to think about it all.  That said, I am doing the test for that tomorrow and I was not worried about it at all until I realized I knew someone who lost a parent to bone cancer.  Since that realization, my mind has just been "ate up with it."  So anyhow, it probably is nothing, but with the way my world goes I wouldn't be totally surprised if it was something, so please pray it isn't.  Test in the morning...I will post as soon as I find out results and can get that off my mind!  So to those I have promised, it is coming!

October 31, 2013

It's Halloween and all the kids are having fun and my poor buddy spent the first half of the day starving and thirsty, then had to be put to sleep to do a test, is currently in recovery and will spend the final hours of the day in a car just trying to get home.  Poor buddy.  Life is not fair!

October 29, 2013

We are doing cancer scans again.  We just sent Clayton back for a combo MRI, CT and bone marrows.  They gave him some versed before he went back and he silently let them wheel him away.  Moments after the large double doors closed though Geoerge and I could hear him screaming .  As a parent, every urge in your body is wanting to bust through the doors and throw everybody off of your child, scoop him up and run...just run.  However, the thing about cancer and special needs is you don't get to be a "normal" parent and you have to suppress so many of your parental/survival instincts and too often be a part of your child's pain or distress.  And for the times that you aren't a physical part of it, you have little choice, but to sit back and tell your emotional self that what you know is happening isn't, or that it will be over soon, or that you have to do this to them.  Anything to try and rationalize the screams and the pain and the fear you know your child is feeling.  

Once all of that passes, I'm secretly relieved when he is asleep.  I know that he is peacefully asleep and I get rare kid free time to just sit and think...before the fear of him waking up and being crazy or having problems recovering from anesthesia sets in...