June 9, 2013

The last few weeks I've been focusing on most anything I could cling to other than Clayton's back. Documentaries on the organic-whole foods movement, building a house, watching Ally McBeal...Why? Because today we are driving to Dallas to get started on therapy for Clayton's back and I have been doing everything I could to not think much about it before now;  obviously that included not blogging about it.  

Clayton and I left the house this morning not knowing when we will get to come home; George is with us of course, but he'll be home in a week.  We are expecting to be in Dallas at least three months, hoping and praying it only ends up having to be for two and fearful it might end up being four.  Being away from home is causing me some anxiety, as is the idea of being by myself in Dallas while living in the hospital with Clayton.  But I am also excited about it.  I think though the thing that has really been worrying me is the idea of this halo traction therapy not working as well as we hope.  I'm excited at the idea of this therapy working and bringing him a better quality of life and possible relief, but what if it doesn't work as hoped?  

No matter what, this really couldn't wait any longer. George and I have noticed Clayton's back getting worse.  For the past year or two we have watched the kyphosis worsen significantly, but we are now seeing the scoliosis getting worse.  To clarify, think of scoliosis as an east to west curvature and the kyphosis as a north to south curvature.  Our last measurement had the kyphosis at roughly 92 degrees and the scoliosis at 48 degrees.

I'm very sensitive about Clayton's back.  Very.  I have cursed at my mother before for bringing him in public with his shirt tucked in accentuating his "hump".  In my head I was always protecting him, but what I realized is that really I was protecting myself.  People are mean and if someone said something about Clayton's back, he wouldn't know.  But I would know...and that is a problem.  I have a serious case of Sarah Palin's mama bear complex and if someone goes after my cub, well...  On our return trip from our last NYC trip, there was a woman in the airport staring at Clayton.  She then started whispering to her friends who proceeded to look at Clayton.  Had she not gotten up and moved after seeing me witness their behavior, I might have knocked her buck teeth through her skull.  Sounds classy right?  Well people snickering or passing judgement on a child who has no control over the obstacles he has been given to endure isn't real classy either.   Anyhow, despite my sensitivity, I'll come back and post some pictures for what we can only hope will turn into one hec of a before and after!