August 17, 2013

August Something 2013

I think I'm losing it.  I am so paranoid about losing Clayton right now.  He acts fine, his oxygen levels are great, his blood pressures are great, he wakes up raring to go, he's happy and laughing and moving all day long, he's eating and drinking and peeing great.  It's me, it's not him.  The idea of no cancer scans freaks me out!  Or at least late cancer scans.  Then this damn surgery.  Holy crap.  I'm scared out of my mind about this surgery.  I just don't know what to expect.  Clayton's surgery is riskier than many of the spinal fusions done here regularly because they are resecting one of Clayton's vertebrate.  Still wrapping my head around what we are about to do.  I wish I could tell him and him understand.  Maybe it would feel less like a betrayal if I could.  Instead all I can think is please forgive me.

Please pray that Clayton stays cancer free and especially that he stays cancer free while we do this surgery and he heals over the next couple of months.  We want him cancer free always, but we need extra prayers while we cannot do our regular scans.  God please protect this sweet boy and watch over him while the doctors can't search for cancer...Please.

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