April 19, 2012

April 19, 2012

Sometimes a person's heart doesn't know how to deal with what their head knows. Or maybe it's the other way around. Whatever it is, I know that tomorrow is one of the biggest days of mine and George's life. Nothing seems sufficient to say or do.
Thoughts of tomorrow are meaningless. The most important thing in the world to us will be lying on table like a cruel episode of Grey's Anatomy. Nothing seems right to do. If I had the strength and my running shoes, I would lace them up and just run. Not away, just around. Silly as it might sound, running -even if it were just around the block again and again- is the only thing that feels as though it would make any sense. I do not however have my running shoes and am not sure that I will have the strength to leave the building housing my precious baby in such a vulnerable state.
The thing I am dreading the most at the time is sending him off to surgery. He is at the age where we can't say, "your going to go to sleep for a little bit, but mommy and daddy will be here waiting for you". At the same time, he is to old to not realize something going on as well. And then of course I dread him waking up with a tube down his throat. The next 48 hours will be tough.
Right now I am laying in bed with this sweet thing laying beside me and tomorrow is so hard to imagine. But tomorrow will come and George and I will be armed with anxiety meds to tackle the day....

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