I love this place with all of the kids here. MSKCC was full of kids with cancer of course, but most of those kids just had cancer (not that there should ever be a just in front of the word cancer). Most of the kids here tend to have an array of health issues like Clayton. Their parents get it. That is they understand the same fears and anxieties, the highs and the lows that George and I feel everyday. I wish the world could feel the joy that I felt sitting in that room as all the kids came wheeling in in their different contraptions. These are kids that spend their lives being told they can't or feeling different and then you have this wonderful hospital that tells them they can and treats them like they hung the moon. I love sitting there watching Clayton acclimate to this new environment full of kids. It is so good for him. Some kids have developmental issues and some don't. It's pretty half and half and it is so awesome to see how those that don't and the siblings of different patients play with and are patient with the kids that have developmental issues. The long timers like us include my friend Julie, her two year old son Andrew and her eight year old daughter Morgan who is in traction, a set of triplets from Israel of whom one is in traction, a 16 year old boy who is having one of his legs lengthened and is the "big brother" to everybody, a 10 year old little girl who is recovering from a fusion and in a halo vest, a two year old little girl in traction who is like a little doll and our newest neighbor is a 14 year old boy now in traction...oh and Antonio who is 14 and permanently in a wheel chair and has one of those wheel chairs that whizzes around like crazy. It's like a big family and everybody gathers for movie nights and games and Uno. I love it!
After the movie, all the kids and their family's went to the top deck of the parking garage and watched the fireworks. They were a little faraway, but being surrounded with all the amazing kids was awesome!
It isn't easy to watch friends and family and their kids doing t-ball and swimming lessons and other normal things that we as a family/Clayton can't do. It consistently takes some adjusting to realize what normal will be for us. But our "normal" is pretty great too. Yes, it has more extreme lows, but it also has more extreme highs and for those we are so thankful. I saw one of the most beautiful little girls I have ever seen in my entire life yesterday and she was missing her legs from right above her knees and missing one of her forearms. And still, she was one of the most beautiful little girls I have ever seen in my life and that is how I will remember her. I will remember her for her smile and her laugh and her beauty and how happy she was. There is an episode of Ally McBeal and she is asked, "What makes your problems so much bigger then everybody else's?" to which she replies, "because their mine." Isn't that typical? We all think we have the biggest problems in the world and yet there is a guy (a volunteer) walking around the hospital who has no arms and no legs (he only has artificial legs) and he manages to smile and be happy all the time. How could any of us think our problems are bigger than his? These kids are just so amazing and the things that happen at this hospital are amazing. I wish I had the money to start a children's clinic at home for children with cancer, orthotic needs and other special needs. I would love to dedicate my life to that.
Growing up I use to say that when I grew up and went to work everyday, it would be to a job I loved. For me, the decision to leave my job, was necessary because of Clayton, but it was easier to do because there came a point when I started to despise working around those politics. I hated to see the way some people would treat each other and in some cases try to run each other over. Was that the real world? Yes. But I think too often people forget how to treat each other and instead allow themselves to be led by insecurities and jealousy. But there is a real world were people treat each other with respect and dedicate their lives to helping others rather than their continuously wanting that which they don't have and I thank God I learned early on that that is the world I want to be a part of. And I certainly don't mean to criticize anyone's choices. This is simply about me and what I have discovered about myself on my journey.
My point to all of this is thank God for the beautiful moments that George and I get to experience on this roller coaster of a life we have. Thank God for people like my mother and Lucy B. that devote so much time trying to make the world a better place for others. Thank God for people like my sister and brother-in-law and Josh and Virginia and Janet and Austin who take time out of their busy lives to try and help my family. Thank God for those people that bend over backwards trying to help accommodate mine and George's crazy life and the unpredictable schedule that comes with it. Thank God for our wonderful friends Robbie and Katie and Ryan and Sloan and Ted and Drew and so many more that have done so much for us. Thank God for amazing people like the Littles who sort of took us in like family. Thank God for co-workers that supported us and listened to us and have been there for us. Thank God for cousins that send us texts or cards just to let us know they are thinking of us because those really are little pick-me-ups. Thank God for places like this hospital and MSKCC. Thank God for these beautiful kids that I get to spend my days with and more than anything else, thank God for Clayton...there never was or will be a more beautiful surprise.
Happy 4th sweet boy!
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